Blind Faith (Steel Jackals MC Book 2) Read online

  Table of Contents

  BLIND FAITH

  ALSO BY NANCY HAVILAND

  Copyright

  DEDICATION

  PROLOGUE

  ONE

  TWO

  THREE

  FOUR

  FIVE

  SIX

  SEVEN

  EIGHT

  NINE

  TEN

  ELEVEN

  TWELVE

  THIRTEEN

  FOURTEEN

  FIFTEEN

  SIXTEEN

  SEVENTEEN

  EIGHTEEN

  NINETEEN

  TWENTY

  TWENTY-ONE

  BLIND FAITH PLAYLIST

  About the Author

  BLIND FAITH

  STEEL JACKALS MC

  NANCY HAVILAND

  ALSO BY NANCY HAVILAND

  WANTED MEN

  Bestselling, award-winning mafia series

  A Love of Vengeance

  The Salvation of Vengeance

  An Obsession with Vengeance

  Ultimate Vengeance

  Grievous

  STEEL JACKALS MC

  Blind Devotion

  Copyright

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  Text Copyright © 2017 Nancy Haviland

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without express written permission of the author. For permission requests, email [email protected].

  ISBN 978-1-988716-05-3

  Cover design by JM Walker, Just Write. Creations

  DEDICATION

  To my soccer star, my fashionista, and my musical genius. Such patient, understanding heathens. You guys are my everything.

  PROLOGUE

  Nine-year-old Josh Sylvan ran down his driveway and slammed into the house. He and his dad had big plans today, and he was excited to get started.

  The recliner was empty, so he went through to the kitchen. Before he’d left for school this morning, his dad had promised they’d go to the salvage yard before it got dark. Josh was getting good at finding just the thing for the projects he’d taken on lately. He’d found an old fan last week and had painted the slats all different colors so that when he turned it on, it blew out a rainbow. He thought his mom would like that, and she had. He was proud that he was becoming so handy. Like his dad, he had a talent for creating something from nothing, and for weeks, they’d been talking about building a go-kart. Well, Josh had been talking, his dad grunted and nodded a lot. But he was listening. Josh knew it.

  Entering the kitchen, he came up short when he saw his mom sitting at the table with her head in her hands. She cried a lot. He did what he could to cheer her up, but it never seemed to help. She always said thanks, but even she admitted there wasn’t much that could make the darkness she felt inside go away. He heard her on the phone with the other old ladies, talking about something she called depressing. Or was it depression? He always got them confused.

  “Mom?”

  When she raised her head, something flipped in his belly. There was nothing new about her red, puffy eyes, but he didn’t think he’d ever seen so much sadness in them before.

  He inched forward, unsure if she’d want him to try to comfort her. “What happened?”

  She put her arms out, and he immediately moved in to hold her like he knew she liked, with his arms around her shoulders and his hand on her hair.

  “Is Elli okay?” he asked even though the question made it feel like something with sharp claws was crawling up the middle of his back. His little sister was his fairy. She was two and was such a tiny thing Josh just knew she needed him to take care of her all the time. He loved that job.

  “Daddy’s gone, Joshy.”

  “Gone where?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Oh.” He shrugged off his disappointment. It wasn’t the first time their plans had been put off. “That’s okay. We can go later. Or maybe I can take the shopping cart and go to the yard to get what we need by myself. I’m getting real handy at that. Dad says I have a good eye. He said that a couple of times now. When will he be home?”

  She started crying again. “He isn’t coming home.”

  The disappointment that hit him then made him want to cry, too. He didn’t though. “He got a job?” His dad sometimes went to work out of town with a couple of his brothers. One of the guys in the motorcycle club he belonged to had a friend somewhere up north, and a few of them would drive truck when help was needed. One time, his dad had left for four months.

  “No, Joshy. He d-didn’t get a job. Not this t-time.”

  As his mom’s arms tightened around his waist, he automatically petted her soft hair that was dark blond like his. Elli had gotten their dad’s light blond hair. “It’s okay, Mom,” he murmured, trying to think where his dad could have gone if it wasn’t to work. “I don’t know what else to guess. Can you tell me where he went?”

  “I don’t know,” she repeated after hiccupping.

  “Okay. When will he be home?”

  “He won’t be.”

  As the sound of Elli waking from her afternoon nap and quietly jabbering to herself started up through the monitor, Josh’s body didn’t know which way to go. His heart got that happy, anxious-to-see-his-angel feeling and he wanted to run to her room to pick her up from her crib and give her cuddles. But because of his and his mom’s conversation, something was coming up his throat. It was making him feel like he was choking.

  “He won’t? Why?”

  “He didn’t want to be here with us anymore.”

  Josh gave in. Water pushed into his eyes as grief and disbelief swallowed him.

  That disbelief lasted for months, and those months eventually turned into years. He waited and waited, running home from school almost every day, waking early in the mornings, leaving his bedroom door open all the time, keeping his ears peeled for the sound of a Harley coming down their street. Every new day carried the expectation that he’d see his dad sitting in his chair, or in the doorway wiping his greasy hands on a rag, or riding down the street and pulling into their driveway with a smile on his face and a gift under his arm to say sorry for being gone for so long.

  But his dad never returned.

  It wasn’t until Josh was almost fourteen that he fully accepted he was now, and forever would be, the man of their house. By then, he was totally comfortable in the role that claimed most of his time outside of school. He took care of his mom and sister, ran the household, paid the bills, and did whatever repairs were necessary. He fixed motorcycles to bring in extra money and even did all the grocery shopping. When his mom could, she worked at the local Walmart, but with her depression, she sometimes wasn’t well enough to be out in public. But that was okay because Josh happily fixed more bikes and felt more pride knowing the helpless females he was responsible for were thriving under his care. His mom tried hard to get better, and he appreciated that as much as she appreciated him. She often gave him despondent hugs and grateful words that he really didn’t need but liked hearing anyway.

  Elli, on the other hand, was the opposite of their mom. At eight years old, she was never any trouble and was always happy, no matter what was going on in their lives. When the Christmas tree only had the presents Josh was able to make from his frequent trips to his favorite area of the salvage yard, those smiling gold eyes never dulled. She’d get a homemade climbing wall
and be as happy as her friends who’d woken to brand new bicycles. Her favorite gift this past Christmas had been a variety of different sized beakers and test tubes Josh had scrounged for for months. He’d completed the science set by putting simple household items in clear squeeze bottles so she could make “potions.” She was going to be a chemist one day. He would never tell her the powder was only baking soda, and the liquid was vinegar he’d tinted with food coloring so they would look pretty for her. But he did insist she didn’t do any experiments unless he was with her.

  Another year passed before Josh was given a refresher on exactly how unfair life could be. It was a lesson he would never again forget.

  He was walking home from school two days before his fifteenth birthday, debating whether to make Italian sausage and broccoli or macaroni and cheese for dinner. Maybe he’d do the macaroni since it was Elli’s favorite and she’d stayed home today. That morning, his mom had mumbled something about a fever, but when Josh had felt his sister’s forehead as she’d bounced around on the sofa, excited that she was getting a day off, he hadn’t noticed any heightened temperature. He’d said so, but his mom had insisted, and because she’d been feeling down lately, he’d let it go. She’d probably wanted Elli’s sunshine around for the day. He couldn’t blame her.

  A niggling feeling crawled up the back of his neck again, making him frown. He’d been feeling it all afternoon. It was as if he’d forgotten something, like the stove on or a package of meat on the counter when he should have put it in the fridge.

  “Hey, Josh.”

  He looked up to see the owner of the variety store on the corner sweeping some cobwebs away from his Open sign.

  “Hey, Mr. Harrison. Hot one today,” he commented as he once again pushed the unsettling feeling away and wiped the sweat from his brow. Maybe he’d take Elli for a bike ride before making supper. They could go to the river behind their house and take a dip.

  “Heard sirens and saw some cherries head down your street. Hope it was a false alarm.”

  Josh skidded to a stop, his full attention centering on the older man. “Cherries? Were they cops? Firetrucks?” The hopeful note in his voice came out in a croak.

  “Nope. A couple of ambulances.”

  It was at a dead run that Josh raced the rest of the way home. The second he rounded that corner and saw the two white vehicles with flashing lights in his driveway he shouted a denial.

  “No, no, no, no, no…” he continued to moan as he roughly pushed through the people standing around. A cop grabbed his arm when he burst through the open front door of his house.

  “Hey, son. Sorry, but you can’t—”

  “This is my place! My mom! My sister! Where are they? Are they okay? What did she do? Oh, what did she do?” he moaned as his eyes started to burn.

  “You must be Josh,” the cop said as he physically shoved him back out the door and into the backyard. It was quite a job seeing as Elli had marked Josh at five-feet-ten on the door jamb a couple of months ago. “My partner went to the school, but you’d already left.”

  “Where’s Elli? Are they hurt? Tell me!” he shouted.

  But the cop didn’t tell him. He waved at another cop. “Get Monique out here!” he called, and within seconds, a tall black woman was hurrying over.

  “Josh, this is Monique. She’s a crisis management—”

  Josh cut off the introduction. Who gave a fuck what this chick did for a living? “Tell me what happened,” he said, injecting a firm note in his already deep voice. “Stop all this fucking around and give it to me straight.”

  The two adults exchanged surprised looks, and after the guy shrugged, Monique ruined his life.

  “It appears your mother committed suicide, Josh. And she took your sister with her.”

  An earthquake started rumbling in his gut and spread out toward his limbs. “What do you mean she took Elli?”

  The woman sighed. “Can we go over there and sit?” She was motioning to the picnic table he’d stained last month.

  “No. Tell me what she did. In English. Don’t try to make it pretty to save my feelings.” The thoughts in his head were scrambling, whipping into a frenzy. He wanted to cry, scream, rage, but he also wanted to fall to the ground and just give the fuck up right then. Instead, he held himself still and tall while he listened.

  “Your mom poisoned your sister and herself. From what we can tell from the evidence, she crushed some sleeping pills and mixed the sedative into some macaroni and cheese. The coroner thinks they ingested it sometime in the morning and passed, likely due to respiratory or heart failure, at approximately two p.m.”

  Agony stole his ability to breathe, and the adrenaline suddenly slamming through his system was like needles puncturing his hands and feet. “How did you people get here?”

  He could tell the woman didn’t want to say anymore but, unfortunately, she did. “Your mother must have regretted her actions and tried to get help by calling 911. But they were gone when the EMS arrived. There was nothing that could be done at that point.”

  “I should’ve been here.” His tongue was numb, he noted in a distant part of his mind.

  “Pardon?”

  “Where are they? Where’s Elli?”

  “They’re in the ambul—”

  He walked away. Going into the one ambulance, with Monique waving the EMS guy aside when he would have blocked the way, Josh drew the sheet back and sat there staring at his mom’s still form. He knew he should be crying but he couldn’t. There was too much happening inside him.

  “Why did you take her from me? You leaving I would have understood. But I don’t get why you took our angel and left me all alone. Why would you do that?”

  Sheets of ice began to layer over his heart, and he suddenly had the oddest urge to laugh. She looked so peaceful. For the first time in his life, he was seeing his mom at ease.

  He bent and kissed her forehead, petting her hair in that way she’d always liked. Even though he hated her, he’d miss her. “Bye, Mama. I hope you and Elli are together because it would be a shame if you did this to me for nothing.”

  He jumped out of the ambulance and had to force himself to go to the other one and climb into the back. He kept his eyes on the floor as he sat, and then squeezed them shut before reaching out to grasp his sister’s small, cold hand. He moaned a little.

  “I’m so sorry I went to school, Elli-Bell. I knew you weren’t sick. I knew it, and I didn’t listen to myself and bring you with me like I knew I should have. I should have listened to myself. I should have stayed home with you. If I’d been here, this wouldn’t have happened. You were my responsibility, and—” His throat closed up, and he forced a hard cough to open it so he could finish his goodbye. “I could have stopped her. I could have talked her out of doing this to you. Were you scared? Did you cry? Did you call out for me? I’m so sorry I wasn’t here. I’m so sorry. Did mom say she was sorry? Did she? Did she say why she was leaving me alone? Did she? Why did she take you guys away from me? You were my responsibility! I should have been here!”

  It wasn’t until he felt two sets of hands grabbing at him that he opened his eyes and realized he was hugging his sister’s dead body and shouting. He relaxed his grip immediately but didn’t allow the cop and EMS worker to take him out of the ambulance until he’d gently laid Elli down and pressed a final kiss to her forehead.

  “I’ll see you again, Elli-Bell,” he whispered. “And I’ll protect you with my life next time. I will, okay? I’ll watch over you, and I’ll never let anyone hurt you. That’s my promise to you.”

  He shook off the hands still on him and shoved his way out of the ambulance. He met the eyes of every person staring his way, owning his failure, taking responsibility for what he’d done.

  That’s when his heart solidified, and rage engulfed him, the helpless feeling unlike anything he’d ever felt before. Without a word to anyone, he went over to the side of the house where his bike was leaning on the worn siding. He ignored th
e calls for him to wait, jumped on his ride, and he left.

  He rode and rode and rode, and he didn’t stop until the sun had gone down twice, and only then did he take a break because he needed to hit up a grocery store. He was dizzy from starvation. He was exhausted. He’d urinated in his jeans, and he had to wash himself. But the only need he was able to meet was to find food.

  For the first time in his life, Josh stole something. That it was something he needed to survive made no difference, he was wracked with guilt, and ended up vomiting the potato salad on the sidewalk as he rode away. The next time was easier, and the time after that even easier. For the next few years, he survived on the streets in places that were nothing like Portland. In Sacramento and San Francisco, he poached what he needed. In Fresno, Bakersfield, and L.A., he fought, many times for the benefit of others, sleeping anywhere he wouldn’t get jumped while vulnerable—though, there were a few nights when he wouldn’t have minded being taken out. By the time he went from Anaheim to San Diego and started moving east, he’d gotten bigger, so guys didn’t often engage him. Those who did, he took care of and was happy for the opportunity to let out the buildup of aggression that now lived within him.

  It was in a small town near the California/Arizona state line where Josh once again stepped into the fray, pissed because nothing was more infuriating to him than seeing an unfair fight. Some kid in a cut was getting his ass kicked by three guys wearing different colors. Having the element of surprise, Josh efficiently smashed a couple of heads together and drilled his fist into the temple of the third. Bringing the bleeding kid into the bar, Josh was introduced to Ted Samson, the kid’s sponsor. Ted was a member of the Steel Jackals MC and their Sergeant at Arms. A few hours spent with the loud group, and too many illegal beers later—he was only eighteen—Josh found himself on the back of Ted’s bike heading into the dessert. And like his father before him, he was drawn into the MC life. He didn’t embrace it but kept himself closed off, choosing to respect and like his new brothers rather than love and need any of them.